NS Chan Studio:: Graphics, Art, Manga, Architecture

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Finaly Fantasy 7 Advent Children

ok no more happenings for the hols. its coming to an end and hence.... back to normal stuff again.... normal daily life... quiet and still....

Anyway i watched the FF7 movie... duno how many times i have watched it..... i juz wanna watch it again and again. This time i watched with the subtitles... and of cos it helps alot alot. I really like Cloud.... not simply becos he's cool, sey, powerful, pretty, and yada yada yada.... but the feelings he had.... that simply touched me.... the pain and sadness and how he fought the battle within himself to stand strong again... that spirit of him is what i also wanna keep up with.

Anyway back to more light hearted stuff... u know, i didnt play the game so only until my anime frens told me, then i realised how powerful that aeris is... lol... well not only that lar, but also the relationships between zack and cloud and tifa. While i was watching the movie in sch with some anime frens, i told them that i like tifa and wanna her and cloud to be an item while the rest say otherwise. They said that tifa is the third party, and cloud actually love aeris first. so eventually, people also feel that third party is naturally not.... accepted and always the inital couple is recognised.... ok la naturally in real life, we always think like that too arent we.... Then again as they said about third party.... isnt Zack loves Aeris way before Cloud? so that makes cloud the third party too isnt it??? tsk tsk tsk......

Everyone will be third party to another one and so on..... it is a chained relationship. Anyway, the movie ended so nice. I remembered one fren telling me that he had enuff of relationship probs and rather concentrate on universal love. Yes, love and care to everyone he/she treasures. From there, it is also a happiness. Just like Aeris protecting every children as their okasan. A mother to all. Maybe we all shld learn that. And I shall try to attain that. And becos of that, no one is ever alone.

"Ole wa hitori ja nai"

Monday, December 26, 2005

part 4!!!!

omg.... i have 3 xmas parties at ppl's houses this hols.... the most happening xmas celebration or hols i ever had... lol....

let us recall again... first was going for the japanese students exchange activity, den come ailing bdae party. Later I had girls outing with 61 gals... and realised girls from archi (on the trip home from ailing party at that time) and 61 gals all trying to match me up with guys they can think of. my archi fren will think of the archi guys n found out not much choices haha. And as for 61 gals... aiya, they try to anyhow try 61 guys in hope to get treats from me.... hmm i wonder why am i kenna all this.... do i look like really Jia4 Bu4 Chu1 Qu4 kind??? that bad ar?? *sigh*

Ok after the 61 gals outing.... I think next is Yuetyee's dance performance that i mentioned about in previous post. Yup, as promised, gonna post some photos here:

1.1 this is yuetyee~~ awww, isnt she gorgeous?? yup, if u see close up enuff, u will be amazed by the scary long fake eyelashes with the thick mascara and exaggerated make up... but it is all for the effect under the strong lighting mah~~

1.2 wow, is this yy's fan club??? haha so many of us~~~ yup these are all the archi ppl who went down to support yy~~

Ok, so after the dance performance, the next event is an early xmas party at Ying's house!!! and that was why i baked lotsa choc cookies. I baked from 1-2am to 10am the next day.... ya... it was so tiring... it was that slow becos of the small tray i had... so i baked like 6 cookies at a time... snail manz.... and i tried to make xmas tree cookies too! right, here are the photos: (aiya, i havent got the whole group photo from ying!)

2.1 haha we were still preparing food~~ many of us were there already when me and some other gals arrived~ haha ying is the one with the banana~~

2.2 wow wat a spread~~~ we hand melted choc to go with the kiwi and strawberries, salad, nuggets, muffins, mua ji, poh pia, tang yuan, and brownie that sat besides my tray of cookies!! yea that was ailing's brownie that was eaten with choc ice cream and it has same colour as my cookies... lol. all the food was sooo nice!!! later someone came with tiramisu!!!! awwww~~ and also choc mousse... well, i tried to taste all of them but was rather full.

After eating, we exchanged gifts~~ damn fun lol.... and before we leave, some of us took photos outside the door.....

2.3 this is hp and ailing~~~

2.4 haha more of us!! this time i am in the photo as ailing was taking it. :)

Ok this marked the FIRST xmas party~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second xmas party was at wm's house on 23rd dec. hehe the day before i went on heavy shopping spree. Not only on gifts but also on clothes etc that i need. hehe

I met up with wm, gab and sel at KAP's cold storage and later jov came. We all took wm's schbus to his house~~~ hehe..... and sel had brought mahjong set and table so we were all able to play mj. Wm dad bought us alot of food and while eating, esther, zq and yuwen came!! yay more ppl~ in the end, we either watch tv or play mahjong. den we finally cut the log cake that wm bought. yay i got the log's end piece.... my fav~~ ^^

ps: why am i kenna teased so heavily during this party huh??? wat is going on.... stupid brudder selly.... he muz be the one started it... and the rest juz added oil for the fun out of it is it?? hmpf~~

anyway here are the photos:

3.1 Ahh the nice log cake~~~

3.2 ..... stupid wk put a magnet cockroach in front of my cam.... lol....

3.3 ok a grp photo of us~~ oh... so many of us wore pink... me, sel and yw.

yw, est and zq went back after eating the gift exchange. meanwhile the rest of us still playing ard... it was pretty late and jov decided to stay back.... yock went off earlier with her mum to airport to fetch her bro. So left only me to go back on my own. gab oso wanna go back. hence wm is so nice to bring gab to a bus stop and fetch me straight to my house! yay!!!! ty ty ty wm!!! simply love ur sch bus.... make me feel like learning to drive too. Becos i understand the happiness that one feels when one has a car lift from ppl. So i feel like taking up driving so next time i can give ppl lifts too. :)

anyway finally the 3rd xmas party!! at minghui house on 25th dec, yup today. He invited some archi ppl and the koreanss students, so abt 20 plus 30 ppl came~~~ his house is damn nice too. argh so many ppl have nice houses, wish i can design one for myself lol..... yea fat hope.

Ayway, the food prepared by ming and his family and really special. There's in house barbequing of beef and poh pias that we have to make ourselves. They prepared the necessary fillings. I love his egg mayo manz..... yummy~~! I didnt eat alot of those fried stuff cos i got sorethroat... after the party at wm house... lol.... ate too much choc i guess. oh ya, den some guys were playing xbox games. At first they tried the car racing ones, and later they went to playing "dead or alive" which is on beach volley balls.... yea and the guys made alot of woo woo sound when the scene zoom into the barbie-looking 3d players... they are rather chio la, and somemore in bikinis..... tsk tsk....

Many of us chat ard, even after the gift exchange hehe~~~ very very enjoyable. I think after all these parties, i think i finally get to mix more with the archi ppl... yay~

We left ming's house at 12:15 am..... wj gave some of us a lift to orchard area. The guys wanna watch a movie while me and yy wanna take night rider home. They are gentlemen enuff to wait buses with us... awww so sweet... thx~~

yup so here are some photos:

4.1 everyone crowding ard the table with food~

4.2 woooo wat a spread!!!

4.3 ok final photo~~~ this is the grp of us from the previous previous studio who came for this party. Our host, ming, sat on the chair.

ok folks, that's all!!! and i am sure this is a damn long post rite? hope u enjoy it!! whew finally all uploaded and posts are to date. hehe~

Monday, December 19, 2005

hehe happenings - Part 3~

hehe, yes, part 3 here... the day after the technology workshop (16th), alot of us, the archi ppl, went to watch yy's dance performance in Victoria theatre (or is it concert hall??? i forgot) . It is Anderson Dance Alumni people... hey i tell ur, their standard damn good lor~~~ we got the upstair seats!!! first row somemore!!! coool!!!

The dance performaces are based on the 4 'qi'. well shant described too detailed into that. Anyway, these dances are not those chinese china china type. It is the modern type. Total of 4 performances but the 1st was too abstract for my taste. Most of us dont understand what they are trying to portray. the sec and third were my favourites!!!! damn cool!!! when u see them dance, u will feel like dancing with them! That's how I feel at tht moment. They are really good, as they are able to make audiences like me, to feel the enjoyment, excitement, thrill and energy within the rhythm of music and movements of the body. The beauty of controlling ur body. U can feel ur body jumping and moving along with them though physically u are still sitting on the chair. Moreover, ur heart began to beat with the music. Such moments were too hard to describe here... hehe, yea so i told my frens how i wanna learn to dance. I also wanna learn violin and piano too. oh how greedy i am~

After the show ended, we all went to the stage to find yy. Oh my gosh... the dancers really put on very very thick exaggerated make up!!! from far away was ok. ya i shld have expected tt. but the long, fake, thick eyebrows and mascara really scared me at the first sight.... I will post up some photos some time later ya?
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some bunch of archi ppl having this xmas party at ying's house. And most of us has to contribute food. So yea i choose the cookies, as it is the only thing i am confident to bake that is still edible. I spent the whole of yesterday's night from 1 am until this morning's 10am. yea i fell asleep at abt 8 plus to 9.... but still total abt 8-9 hours of baking..... alot of cookies... abt 1 and half big tins of them. And i was so slow due to the small try to put cookies on. I dun haf larger ones... hence i have to do like 6-7 cookies at one time. At the beginning i felt like baking and eating at the same time... lol.... wat a rat i am.
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hmm kept dozing off in the afternoon and the archi office lady keep calling me to send the designs i did for the NUS centennial exhibition. However, as u know, we all juz ended workshop and we had so many outings etc, i really had no time to do. In the end, they told me nvm, they are using the other person's design since he sort of designed the drafts for the poster and card. hmm.... kinda sad and relieved at the same time.... sad becos i did nothing much except the card and they still wanna pay me 80 bucks. relieved becos i really no time to do the posters if i really haf to. hence... i feel rather weird now... dunno how to describe.

I am thinking that admin ppl shld set proper datelines.... and shouldnt last min tell us come down for meetings etc things like that.... but i think they kenna panicky and never look into such manners and planning ba....

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dunno y, after the baking without a proper sleep as well as the past 1 month sleeping damn late.... suddenly i felt so worn out now... feel like living zombie.... like dun wanna do anything.... feel like..... i dunno how to say but juz wanna take a proper break. I felt once again i am lost in the labrinyth of pavements, wandering aimless before i am willing to open my eyes for the next journey.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Recent happenings - PART 2

ok some of u may or may not seen my happenings PART 1. u can go read after this post later if u haven. hehe...

ok so this part 2 is abt more recent happenings of cos. It is on 12th dec. Yep, our submission day for our technology workshop. Yea i didnt sleep much the night before... but caught a nap of 3 hours in the morning accidentally. haha again i was late in handing up by 1 hours but lucky no one cares~~~ great. i slowly pin up and print and hand up....

after submission, we had a bbq party at the Singapore Yacht Club!!!! hhehee~~~ cool huh!! first time bbq at a yacht. i met ailing and few others in sch. the time was still early for the bbq so most of us went to jurong point to walk ard and some bought farewell gifts for the koreans students. Finally we settled wat we want and headed back to west coast area.... the yacht club is so near NUS!!!!....

we got the yacht named China Girl i think.... so shiai, our organiser, suggested a costume party with it.... girls wear like China girls, and guys wear like pirates... as usual, the guys bo chup, as in heck care abt it and all come in tshirt and shorts or berms.... lol. As for the girls, most of us tried to put in some effort. ahha.... brenda brought a san ba (3-8) blue shirt to be worn at the start to look like a rural/country gal. Yingying brought this black shirt with words like "shang hai something something" wah best. den eunice wanna go on full red and matched it with a really huge red-tinted sunglasses!!! yes, she looked like some china tourist!!! haha insyah and sha both wore this top with chinese buttons. hmm as for me.... i dunno wat to say as i anyhow grab cos i was rushing to sch to hand up work. i tried by wearing this white top with slits at both sides... yea some modern looking qi pao? haha... and matched it with the white covered shoes... hope it was ok... lol... yea check it out at the photos to look at some of us.

when we reached there, quite a number of ppl there already~~ we began chatting and eating... again it is mostly seafood so i couldnt eat much at all.... hotdogs, satays and marshmallow. oh yes, i didnt eat nor drink a single thing on this day lor!! cos piaing the submission i skipped breakfast and lunch. so my only food for the day was this bbq..... urgh.

den later shunjuan helped to take water for me... and returned with 3 cups telling me... " erm jul... lav poured vodka in the sprite.... only one of them has the least vodka". yes u can imagine that expression i had on my face.... -_-.... "lavina!!!! u ar!!!!! very good!!! sabo me is it!!!" was my shouting hahaha.... so mini maini mini mo..... and yay!! i got the least one... but the taste was still damn strong la.... i tasted the other 2 oso and they burnt my throat! lol...... well, after i finished my cup... i can feel very sleepy.... the effect increased becos of the lack of sleep and the rocking of the yacht. of cos i feel giddy too la..... ok la, i muz thank ppl like Lav oso. becos of these ppl, i had drank bits and pieces of alcohol here and there. no harm and yet may help to build my drinking capacity.... even though i think not much use??? but still quite thankful la... cos i myself will not want to try them unless ppl sabo me.

so i got outside to get fresh air... the oxygen lvl inside was too low with all the smoke from bbq pit coming in. at there we chatted and climbed on the boat hehe. can see the photos. i climbed on the top of the yacht and it is soooo cool. can see nice scene from the top and get cool breeze~~ so relaxing. i felt i was overseas.... lol~~

at abt 10 plus 11, many of us started to leave for home... the koreans and some of us stayed there much much longer. i think it was a wonderful outing! enjoy the photos!

when we juz went inside the yacht club, we see restaurants brightly lit and further up front, we can see those yachts lining up far away as shown in the photos....

haha our yacht's name is called Chinagirl..... so that is y our organiser of this bbq party wanted the gals to dress up as china gals.. and the guys as pirates.. i think the guys heck care. but we gals did put some effort. look at this photo of some of us... hehe, can u tell wat are the china elements?? some with qi pao looking tops, or t-shirt tht had chi-na words, or look like china rural lady or look like china tourist who loves red alot... haha. and me? *erhem* no comments....

in front of our yacht, there's this cool looking boat lor... dunno wat it's call... but this is how it looks like. wat a handsome boat.

the surrounding is nice with the lights from the yacht etc and the cranes in the background. well too bad the yacht i am on is rocking all the time, so i cant get a sharp night shot.

we had ppl bbqing at the side of the boat along this pavement. quite scary as it is narrow... one step amiss, u can fall into the water... which is not... erhem... clean.

we were all at the front of the yacht eating and chatting..... so cool huh~~~

woohoo me and shunjuan... haha we climbed on the boat now... quite high and it is rocking too. hehe titanic pose, anyone?

the koreans pose on the very cool boat... i think the whole picture will be nice if the backgrd is not pitch black but golden red sunset at the back. that will look awesome, dun it?

before i leave the yacht, i took a photo with the 2 koreans who are in my design studio. on the left is song moo who loves to dance and rap... lol. the one on the right is you kyoung... no sure how to spell still. she's bubbly and gentle! hehe nice people they are! they hope i can come korea next yr! i hope so too but... need money....

Recent happenings - PART 1

okok sorry ppl, i know i had been MIA ... my apologies. also feeling that my blog lacking readers, i oso not motivated to post stuff ... or maybe u guys keeping quiet to wait for me to post stuff??? oh watever~~~ lol... ok alot of things happening... so i am going to separate into 2 parts. this is part one. This part one will be saying wat happen on 8th dec.... hehe .... 2 events happened on that day. first, i went to St Francis Methodist sch with some anime club frens. Becos the sch had this exchange activities with japanese students from Kaishi Gakuen School. They formed into different groups such as music, basketball, animation, fashion, design etc. These are their stubjects to study anyway. so cool rite!!!!! bet u wanna go to their sch liao.... come on, basketball as a subject leh!! animation too!! wat the... anyway, we anime club ppl will go into animation grp. It is a one day event, juz socialising with them bah...
The second event after that was Ailing's bdae party at Coastal Sands!!!!! wah~~~ dun worry, i posted photos for the 2 events already. scroll down to see later.

ok, for the jap exchange, we gathered in the morning at abt 9:30-10am at the sch's assembly hall... and so i met my anime frens and got a seat to sit beside them. AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!! wah lao.... damn anime lar. The chair i chose to sit happened to have a broken leg. Once i sit, immediate i sat down flat on the floor!!!!!!!! wat the........... i 'aaahh!' pretty loud somemore.... the guy and girl beside me helped me up and got me another chair.... wat a grand animated entrance by me... so paiseh.....

After some speech, we went up to respective classrooms according to our group. we are in the animation grp and we further sub divided into mini grps. we got a gal and guy in my grp. And it happened that they are very quiet and shy type... and yea, they tried to speak english with us. but i think ended up err..... luckily we have wai yee who could speak rather good jap to help us... communicate haha... she become so middlewoman. i think after this exchange, the jap students would feel rather disappointed at their eng i think... feel sorry for them... So the situation was rather awkward with communication problem. finally lunch time and we all went down for the food....

This is the time to bio other jap ppl... lol nah, i am not pervert ok. ok lar, shuai ge got a few... got one very funny!! he purposely wore a female hair clip, pink one with patterns to clip at the front of his head on his hair!!! and somehow he can carry it off!!! haha is he a trend setter?? gosh.... i think no singapore guy dares to do that lor.... ppl will look at him with really weird eyes....
anyway lets go on to talk abt chio bus. There were more chio bus ard!! And guess what, I found 2 ayumi look-alike gals!!! I call them Ayumi no.1 and no.2. The number one is the more chio and more look like Ayumi hamasaki. She is rather short too.... however damn pretty. btw, alot of the gals put very very thick make up. but the ones in our animation grp did not. I think those gals in the other grp like music, fashion etc are those more hip and more dressed up kind. Yea, they all look so nice in their uniform anyway. So this ayumi no.1 happened to sit in front of me... aiya, too bad no courage to ask her to take photo with me... lol

After lunch, we went up to the classrooms again. We began our proper activity.. manga drawing. The jap students tried to start the activity by giving a speech in eng.... hmm though they had it written down but still had difficulty to read... i think they write better than speaking. Anyway, we redivided into 2 grps. my grp focus more on manga. the other one more on animation (those tt use alot of pages of paper and u flip them to create motion). After drawing, we were asked to give comments, den we exchanged our drawings... lol... 2nd drawing for the day...

The activity ended at abt 3 pm, and we had to go down to assembly hall again. This is my last chance to take photos with the jap students!!! but i haf no courage to approach them.... >.< They called out each grp of people to come out grp-by-grp to take photos of them. I was sitting at the last row, so i had to zoom in to the stage to take photos of them... this explains why my photos quite blur as u can see later.... yep..... finally after the gift exchanged, everyone left the hall. the jap students had to rush back with their coach. In the frantic moment, i managed to ask 2 gals to join us in the photo taking... they abit shocked cos they are not in my grp but anyway they still take with us. ANd one of them is Ayumi 2!!! hehe~~~
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ok, after this, i had to go to pasir ris mrt to meet up with archi frens to go ailing bdae party~~ jovie went with her other grp of frens, so didnt see her until at the chalet.

^^ and oh, ailing rebonded her hair and alot of ppl say very nice~~ hehe.... her dress sense oso changed.... i think she increased her wardrobe.... damn pretty. lol~ hmm someone will be anxious to see her photos.... *erhem* *coughs* *wink*~~

anyway, by the time i reached, there were so many ppl already!!! jovie was already there bbqing!!! hehe we immediately pass presents and cards to her and soon we were on the way eating... hehe, i was the fish seller then... cos jovie and some ppl passed me fishes and fishes, oh stingray too. so me and brendie etc happily combine forces to open the hot aluminium foil and i shouted " fish for sale. anyone wans fish?" then ppl will flock to me to grab bites of the fishes... hahahaa~~~ but after some time, i dun get anymore fish stock, so i closed my shop. OOO yes, we had cheesecake!!!!! and it was damn delicious!!! it was from ailing's sis's bf's shop. hehe... so nice.... feel so envious~~~ to haf a bf that can make such good cheesecake~~ >.<

Quite some time later, finally we going to haf the bdae singing and cutting cake session. ailing was so excited and stood there nervously. hehe.... of cos la, so many ppl look at u and singing.... i will also feel like hiding somewhere too. yea, then is phototaking session, den eating the cake... we were quite full by then. It was rather enjoyable for us cos it is like a archi gathering too cos we are one of the biggest gang of ppl to come.... or probably the biggest. yup, shld be about all~~ go too much details u guess will sleep lol.... enjoy the photos!!

1-1. hmm we gathered first at the St Francis Methodist school's assembly hall. wow quite alot of people.

1-2. This is my subgrp within the animation grp. 2 jap students were with us at the leftmost side. followed by qingzhao (this year's new manga subcom head and graphite head), then me, adnan (our club president for the second time haha), den wai yee at the front, who is our publicity subcom head. ^^

1-3. The jap students student in my group tried to give a little speech before we began our manga drawing activity... hmm they are struggling with the eng lang....

1-4. hmm... i forgot what this grp is. but anyway... juz another bunch of them~~ hehe the leftmost guy is damn tall lor~~but he hunching in this photo i think.

1-5. I think this grp is on basketball... all guys... sry ar, not close up enuff... i am sitting on the last row from the stage anyway...

1-6. this is the grp on Music. u saw that left most standing guy? yup, he's the one playing guitar and singing on stage impromtu. so li hai!

1-7. ok last photo about this activity. yes, finally i get two jappy chiobu (leftmost)in my "photo collection"... muahahaha!!! wish i have courage to get more chiobus and shuang ges in my photos... argh lol... the most left one is the Ayumi No.2. The No1 look-like-ayumi is not ard anymore. probably walked off already. darn... wish i can catch her lol

2-1. ooo ailing is bending down ready to blow candles on her cake~ yes... now u see her rebonded hair. alot of ppl gave positive remarks abit it too~~ ^^

2-2. omg!!! ailing is acting so cute!! haha nono juz joking... i happen to capture this expression when she is trying to call people to take photo with her lah~~ but isnt this image so kawaii??? hahaha~~~

2-3. cool~~ this is part of the architecture family that came for the party!! quite alot of archi ppl turned up! so nice~~ hehe can find me inside?? lol

2-4. yup after ailing party, we still do some phototaking outside the lobby while waiting for the free shuttle ride back.... which ineventually didnt come in the end... haha.. the nice lighting behind us didnt show well in this photo :(

Sunday, December 11, 2005

On standby

hey ppl~~ sorry for not updating blog at the moment... cos alot of activities happened and yet we haf architectural detailing submission on Monday... so currently on standby first. Dont worry, after monday i will have alot alot of things and photos to show u guys. And I assure u, I will not dissapoint u with the interesting stuff..... muahahahah~~~

heehee, all right, cya later!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Dreamy~~

lol Sunday, a few of the sixoneders met up for lunch as Mei is back!!! yea~~~ However i slept very late the night before... but that is not the only reason .... the thing is my hp is already semi spoilt kind, so whenever someone call, it either shut off itself or when i press the 'Yes' button, it actually reject the person's call.... --___-- ..... idiot... i dunno wat happened but i did set my hp alarm. When I woke up to find my phone already shut off, hence I didnt hear any alarms, i know something wrong le... And yes... so I was late for the lunch outing at NYDC .... Once i switched on my hp, mei almost immediately called me.... aiyo i feel so paiseh manz...... argh.... still i am not changing hp yet.. hehe

So i get to see mei for a while and we walked her to Esplanade and wm also went off then. As usual, we sat ard in places, drinking chatting laughing.... wat a lazy sunday atmosphere~~~ ^^ That's the life manz lol..... Anyway, i find that recently our outings no longer stayed very late... guess everyone's wanna snug at home or was tired.

Monday aka today.... first day of technology workshop classes!! Actually in the form of critiques. They got two architects to come and help out in our detailings.... Well my turn was this afternoon... lol so i was frantically nervous.... but in the end, the teacher is nice la, never scold or humiliate us like some other teachers. And so my crit went thru smoothly.... somehow bluff thru... lol.... so now muz start redoing the detailings.... all right...work to do~~~

Oh yes, u ppl quick go buy lottery! Becos today I actually went with some archi frens for lunch!!! MUAHAHA~~ once in a blue blue moon. Go buy lottery!!! haha.... Had a Japanese meal from Arts Canteen, not too bad.... ^^

right, I think i am going to be rather relaxed still... i think the schedule not that tight, maybe i can go for the sixoneder's Amazing Race... hmm.... yock, mei did u get to see this sentence??

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Blood Boiling

As some of u have seen my msn nick... yes, I had my blood boiling yesterday night. And soon u will get to know why.

I dunno if it is juz me or that ppl had different upbringing and environment and hence own way of saying things. And now i can tell u, I really hate it when people tell me to "shut up". Yes, juz these two words, and that's it.

It happened in the game I was playing. Yesterday got this person, who is the same bossy person that I mentioned in my blog before, was pretty mad at a super blur person. Some noob i think. So this guy was complaining in friend's chat mode. So i get to see wat he is saying too. Seeing him so mad, though I dun like him at all, I tried to console him and said "hey xxx, cool down." And the next moment he told me "shut up lah". It seems like nothing rite? but at that time the atmosphere was there and i went super angry. Luckily there's a fren besides me and trying to calm me down... so i felt better.

You know why i dun like to hear "shut up" and other similar intense words? Cos i feel like ppl are not respecting to one another using such words. The worse case is when the person is not deserved to have those words used upon him/her. Like in the above case mentioned. What the hell, tell me to shut up? Not as if I did something annoying or irritating. I was still trying to feel empathy for u, trying to be nice to u yet it is all not appreciated. ok, fine!

No matter how irritated I am, did u ever hear intense words from me, like telling u shut up? Even if i am angry, I would say like: can u pls keep quiet? Cos i still respect u. Actually, if someone i know for many many years, like close frens, and used words like that to me occasionally, the impact on me maybe juz reduced to half. becos i know these frens, they may not mean it. I can still bear with it. Tat kinda slip of the tongue may actually mean the closeness to one another. I am sure u are not so polite to ur family members like talking with boss or colleagues rite? so it is ok. But if it is some ppl u juz know, there's a need to haf a kinda respect or politeness, so it really pisses u off if someone u doesnt know well and told u to "get off, u xxxx", or "shut up!", wat do u feel? Not respected at all rite? If last night's incident is actually face to face, I will feel like slapping him. haha...... well, i can still control myself and my actions... i wont slap or do anything physically. hehe... But i can tell u that once u say that, u are gone. dun worry i wont do anything. juz that i may not be genuinely nice to u anymore. unless that person apologise or something to show he/she is sincerely slip of the tongue or something, i will definitely forgive. This applies mostly to ppl who are not close.

After all these and one night of sleep, i woke up this afternoon and rushed off to meet up with wm,yk,sel to watch Harry Potter. wk came later during the first few minutes of cinema, marking his grand entrance by stepping fully on my right foot. ouch..... lol. During the bus ride to orchard, I suddenly feel light, no longer feel angry or sad or watever... hmm indeed one full sleep will make me put down things that happened yesterday... anyway these are not big matters... Serious matters are those no matter how much u sleep, u will never be able to put them away. So finally this time on the bus, once again I am able to read books... lalala~~ not troubled at all, not much. My old troubles are still there but I aint thinking abt them, so...hehe... Actually i think i can forget things fast la... dunno y, my brain cannot take care of so many things le. Events of a few days may more or less be gone from my memory... ok la, not so bad as the girl in a particular movie who keep losing memory after each day... something like "dunno-how-many-days first dates". But I do keep those that are impt la.

Harry potter is not bad~ better than the 3rd one.... and quite a number of funny scenes and the whole cinema of ppl laff with u.... oh, there are some mushy yucky scenes... like that semi-giant lady who tasted the hair of Hagrak (dunno if correct spelling) with that eyes full of love for him. EEEeeewww, so er xin! We all feel like puking. Hmm actually i dun feel the movie dark at all... though many ppl told me it is dark. ok la.... maybe cos it is not wat i tot it will be like to be dark. Still quite ok.... the funny scenes and that disco dancing made the movie livelier... not so heavy like that Lord of the Rings.... that one i will call abit dark... hehe...

oh btw.. now i using LAN liao... not wireless... cos some problem with my computer sensing the connection. It always get low signal or limited/no connectivity or very very slow in detecting it. It always ended up 2 hrs trying to get it detected with the good signal... Probably cos of the position of my computer ba.... haiz... so sis got this LAN cable.... and tada, now with a few snaps of finger, the connection is up, and becos we were both trying to lay the wires at such unholy hours, it explained the unholy hour of this entry... hehe...~~

lalalala ^^ happy.......
ps: Jovie, good luck for tml's paper!! last one!!!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Appetite Lost

Exams and submissions are all over. Once again, normal life is back but... some things I wish I can forget is now able to haunt me time and time again. Trying to numb oneself by indulging in game or slacking or anything does work but it will only work forever if I were to do them forever. But I can never keep on numbing cos i cannot remain like that forever. Even when i go out these days on bus rides, things will come to my mind. If i am not thinking abt anime stuff related to the next graphite event, i will be thinking of other things. They juz come seeping into my mind, i cannot control. All i get is sadness.

Ever since submission over, I lost my appetite. At first I lost it becos I didnt eat much during the submission period. Later...and even after exams, I realised I cant eat much... best is dun eat... y... no mood to eat.... but i still munch some juz for the sake of living. i am tired. Tired of everything. Tired of sleeping, tired of eating, tired of playing, tired of .... everything. I lost myself. I lost the determination and interest in everything. .... okok, maybe not everything la. but abt there.

After that incident in sch, I tot i am a worst student. Den later, regarding other things, the more i think and heard... the more i realised i am a not worthy as a fren oso. I didnt pay attention to alot of details to some incidents or events or people like my other frens did. I didnt remember alot of incidents or events or people like my other frens did. Compared to them, I like nothing but a bad pool of mud. Am i juz not observant and forgetful or I didnt set my heart to it? Or becos there's too many things calling for attention that I cant simply remember everything? but y others can? so to them i seem like a bastard. I dun wan to find excuse, neither i wish to be a bastard. I dunno myself anymore.

But after all these years I finally conclude one thing. I am very hurt if anyone scold me for things i didnt meant to or when I certainly haf reasons for it. And worst still, scold me with names. Juz that I cannot be there or cant remember everything or cant attend everything. I am a human person. please, for goodness sake. why ppl always remember wat i didnt do or not able to do rather than all the things I have tried to do at my best. Sometimes words may not mean much to the person who say but it hurts me deeply each time. It may juz be casual remark but I take it seriously. Becos the word is meant to give that intense impact anyway. At least I pay attention to words when ppl talk to me. It is juz me la... cos i dun like to call ppl names unless it is very serious matter. Since I am that sensitive, I have to swallow it and keep quiet until the pain is gone... until it happens again next time. The words belonged to the intense type, so why use it so casually? some ppl are like that but how shld i let them know that i doesnt like to hear it?... or maybe they do mean wat they say.....

Nowadays i wondering wat will happen if one day I involve with some accident and I lost my memory.... what would it be like? Will I be sadder? More frustrated? Or happier? Or lost.... actually memories are the most precious.... why would I want to throw it even if it is unhappy stuff... Probably it marks the identity of living up to the very day u haf...

Suddenly i wish i have a pet with me... a kitten is most preferred hehe.. my fav animal.... At least I can talk to it.... though it cant understand me. Nice to cuddle it too~~Or maybe seeing its face beaming with satisfaction and happiness may make me feel better? But still I know I have no abilities to take care of it. Be it me or anyone else, I have no ability to do it. I am juz useless, let me rot. I know once i set my heart on something, I will do it right. But there're things no matter how I try I will not do a good job.

Some ppl say envious of me. For wat? There's nothing envious abt... I have no idea... What good am i? Tell me. I dunno myself anymore.

Nah, I am not drunk or anything that made me blabber all these. I do not need liquor to get drunk. I wont get drunk if I ever drink, becos I would be concussed instead.

think i shall start drawing comics again... i have some unsettled business with it. the one with cat story oso... i think some of u heard me mentioned in my blog quite some time ago... haiz... 5th dec coming.... sad.... tml at least I can watch Harry Potter.

Once again dark clouds looming the sky... and darkness befalls the land and sea. My route was marked out by the only faraway lighthouse. From where I was, I walked on towards the light. With both sides of my path remained dark.

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